Who I am.

It’s weird.

I weigh over 140 lbs. now. I spent the last nineteen years of my life never breaking 120. I spent the last two years at 110. But now I’m getting really musclular. No one can really tell, though. I’m unnaturally healthy. And way too strong.

Dance is the center of my life again. I’ve been learning a new style every week to broaden my comfort zone. I feel complete when I move the way I do, whether it looks good to anyone else or not.

I can connect to my imagination through paper again. I feel at peace when I’m drawing or writing prose.

I keep everything to myself. I don’t offer my opinion or my help anymore unless I’m asked, and even then I hold a lot back. I seems like to be more comfortable with living, I have to pretend that I’m okay with everything. At least until I get home. I’ve also completely lost my temper. I can’t stop myself from screaming or from breaking things anymore.

I still love endlessly. But no longer without fear. I’m scared of everything. But at the same time, it feels great when she convinces me that everything’s going to be okay.

I still seldom sleep. But when she’s wrapped in my arms, I get just enough to get by.

A lot’s changed. I don’t like the new me.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY