The Last Few Days
Friday was that bomb finale night. It went really well, I’d say! I’m pretty glad that was the night it was recorded. I got a bouquet of origami flowers from Marci and another one from Leksi. :3
Marci also gave me a snoopy because I always do the snoopy dance for her.
Gabe and Malcolm came to my house after and we were hanging out and playing Brawl. My Vicodin was wearing off and I was having a good time, so I decided for that to be the night I would start detox.
Gabe picked my up later that night and we wanted to go out but we didn’t want to join Nicole, Buddha, Julian, and Danica because it’d be awkward since they’re the new couples. xD
So instead we grabbed Malcolm and went outside of Rachel’s house for a cheer up session. She came outside and sat in the car while we were being silly outside, as usual. Eventually, we decided to go to Ihop and I treated everyone to coffee and food.
Some of Malcolm’s brother’s friends were there, so it was actually pretty fun. He was playing ukalale for his brother’s friend’s birthday or something.
After a quick smoke, I got light headed from the lack of drugs in my system and I couldn’t stand up. I got in the car and I was, like, high. I remember flying every time Gabe took a turn and I was in Rachel’s lap because I couldn’t really sit straight. ‘._.)
After that, we just chilled somewhere on pheasant until Rachel had to go home. Then we ended up parked outside of Malcolm’s house for an hour for a Meowth Talk.
x3 It was a man talk until Malcolm drew some mutant face with two tongues. Then I said it could be a snake instead. And then I drew whiskers and it became a meowth.
Gabe, Malcolm, and I were talking about philosophy, life, girls, memories, and such. The manly tears kind of moment. x3
Mostly they were being straight up with me. Never in my life have I felt more ashamed of myself. I was being a real hypocrite. I blame the drugs, I really do. More inspiration to detox.
If you’re reading, I’m sorry I used you in a way. I was really vulnerable and, dare I say it, desperate for affection at the time. I still trust you with me. I have a body and you needed one. It worked out. They just don’t understand affection without lust.
And then we gave Malcolm an ultimatum about girls and he took it. Final decision: Rocked my socks off. :\
Then… sleeeeeep.
Saturday was my brother’s party! It was hella fun. The food was great, too. Palabok, pancit, lumpia shanghai, vegetable lumpia, california rolls, nutella filled ensymada, and cake! I think there was also samosa and sopas. And sisig?
We were playing a lot of BlazBlue and Brawl and ping pong. >:3
I left during the middle of the party with Gabe and Malcolm to go get Danica and bring her to Nicole (who is not mad at me, apparently. Although it hurts to know that she’s acting like nothing happened) and pick things up. And then to Julian’s to get Nicole’s things from Buddha, then dropping Danica back off and back to the party.
Around the last few hours of the party, Malcolm went outside for a phone call. I knew who it was and why. So I didn’t bother him too much. She wanted to talk to me, too. It’s kinda nice. Miss her.
We were partying until a little past midnight when we sent people home.
Gabe picked me up later that night after that night after grabbing Malcolm and Rachel and we went back to his house. We were freestyling to Malcolm’s Uke playing. I was actually doing well, so I decided to write a song right then and there and that came out okay, too. Just need to finish it.
Nicole and Danica got there later and there was a big reunion between Nicole and Rachel. And then there’s that whole thing that girls do after a break up when one of them says really material bitchy things and the other one keeps saying but I miss so-and-so. Girls.
Anyhow, Danica left and came back later with Julian. Then they were being a couple and that made me feel awkward and Julian wasn’t listening when we did our song for him and that made me feel sad because that’s how he’s gonna be. Too distracted with Danica to pay attention to us. And then I’m severely restricted from being too buddy buddy with Nicole. It would’ve been nice if she told me what was going on instead of slowly picking up my calls less and less. And now not at all. Hate getting replaced.
I’m restricted from being too close to Rachel, too, for reasons undisclosed. ‘._.)
And then there’s Malcolm. I have to admit I feel a little awkward with him right now soley because of the Meowth Talk night. I can’t really talk about it. What happens in Meowth Talk stays in the car. But now that we’re both standing in front of the finish line, I can only push him into it, right? As if I should take it for myself.
So yeah. Awkward with EVERYONE except for Gabe and it made me feel lonely and miserable. And I got lightheaded again. :\
I fell asleep and everyone left without saying bye. I actually woke up while they were leaving and I said goodnight but everyone ignored me. TT . TT
Danica and Julian were still there, but I was pissed so I tried to go back to sleep. I did! And then I wake up to Malcolm slapping my shoulder and telling me Gabe is going to bring me home now. So Danica and Julian just ditched me, too?
I got in the car with Gabe and I was just feeling lonely. Lonely and unloved. ‘._.)
Sunday I relapsed. I’m weak. Full of fail. Back on the pills. It was too sad of a day without it. But I’m trying again and I should get detox sickness from Thursday to Saturday. Somewhere in there for one night. If you get a late call from me, it’s because my body thinks I’m dying and I need to talk to someone because I don’t want to end up relapsing.
I had a good talk with Rachel. :\ Shared a lot of secrets. Sorted things out. Tried to cheer each other up. But I think in this situation, I’m in between friends, too. So I can’t take any sides.
Rachel’s cool and all but I love my sister, too.
And then there’s Tony and Nicole. yeesh.
There’s just a big cataclysm in my life right now.
On a bright note, DJ Hero has a raw soundtrack and I love it. >:3
Right now I am one day clean. Let’s keep it that way.
